In the raw

What comes up for me this week is a lot of self doubt, self defeating thoughts, and how my avoidance plays into me not doing all that I could be doing. When I think back on where all my self doubt really started I was in the 2/3rd grade and I spelled was, w-h-a-s. I was nervous, my hands were sweaty, my heart rate went up and I remember trying to sound it out and that’s what I came out. Whas.

I’ve been talking to my friend about what is keeping us from jumping into new things and fully embracing them. Well it’s all those Whas moments throughout both of our lives. Reinforced messages became the dominate narrative. Even though that’s not my dominate narrative anymore, it’s still there. Under the surface. And it keeps me trapped more than I know.

I see the full vision- I can see the details, I can see it clearly. But somewhere along the line, I just can’t do the step by step process. Thanks neurodivergent brain. Instead I want to just be a slug. Because if I stay there, I don’t have to risk anything. I don’t have to fail. I don’t have to have a Whas moment. I can be that kid before I missed spelled a word in the 3rd grade. I was a “good speller” before that.

Reflective questions

What ‘whas’ moments did you have that set a limit to your potential? What can you do to release these moments?